Hi dear friends,

I know I skipped Sunday Post last week and my daily blogmas events aside I have been quite MIA this last week but there is an explanation…

 

Some of you might recall that my dad was diagnosed with T4 cancer in August without any hope to survive except going through a very heavy surgery that would have left him crippled for life.

As he was already amputated from one leg and had his bladder removed he considered that it was enough. He rejected the surgery and we knew he was condemned to die within weeks or months.

My mom and I respected his choice as he would have been the one living even more diminished.

Last week his health suddenly deteriorated and he decided to ask for an end to his condition.

He fell asleep and died peacefully Monday 10 december.

This week and the weekend before have been really exhausting, sad and painful for my mom and I.

I had bottled up everything inside since August as I had to be strong for both of them. I kept it together till Friday, the day of the funerals. I am still feeling very very tense and “weird” with a killer headache since Thursday.

I am explaining this not to have your pity because it was unavoidable but to shed a light on my lack of interaction this past week.

No meme (Top 5 Tuesday or I Heart Characters or First Impression Friday), not much happening if not for the daily posts I had scheduled ahead. Honestly I know I try to make you smile or laugh at the end of the day but I was too emotional to be my jokester self.

Amidst the sadness I would really like to say that I am grateful.

I am grateful because my dad NEVER suffered from his cancer. It was really important for us , his family.

I am grateful because he left under his terms, with dignity, surrounded by love.

I am grateful for my mom’s family. Her brothers and sisters have been fantastic, keeping her company every evening since my father’s death, cooking for my mom and relieving me from a big weight.

I am grateful for the priest who understood so well what we needed and helped us to have a beautiful celebration.

I am grateful for the people at the “funeral home (?)” (please correct me if this is not the right term) as they really guided my mom and I. They helped us enormously throughout all the things we had to do this week.

 

I am stopping here but I would like to say: enjoy your loved ones and live your life to the fullest. Be kind with other people and learn to forgive. Life is too short to dwell on negative feelings and it is love that makes it worth living.

 

Let’s get to what happened on the blog now (click on the graphic to read the post)

 

I have read four books and reviewed three of them so far. I must confess that my attention span was that of a gnat and I had a very hard time focusing on the books.

I have read Honor Among THieves by Rachel Caine and Ann Aguirre (5 stars an HUGE CRUSH!) ; Steal Me by India R Adams (3 stars); Two Feet Under by CC Hunter (4,5 stars and just what I needed!); Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare (4,5 stars and review to come).

 

 

If you are interested in reading my #BestBooksof2018 here are my daily posts:

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Oh I did one meme before my father’s death and I think you’ll love this one as I tweaked the titles of books.

In the blogosphere

As I said I tried to follow, comment and like erratically. I managed to read some very interesting posts that I’d like to share below.

Ashley @ashsinfinitelibrary talks about sex in YA

https://ashsinfinitelibrary.wordpress.com/2018/12/05/lets-talk-about-sex-baby-in-ya-fiction-part-1/

 

 

Irina @drunkenanimeblog gives us her top reasons to blog

 

https://drunkenanimeblog.com/2018/12/07/top-5-reasons-to-keep-blogging/

 

And something funny at Epicreads:A test: would you survive a Fearie court? I confess that I did not survive! 😀

https://bit.ly/2Usyn4c

 

Now I will do my best to get back with some upbeat tone and participate in the weekly memes but maybe I’ll need some more time.

As usual I am linking to The Sunday post at Kimberly @caffeinatedreviewer

Anyway I wish you all a wonderful and warm Sunday!

Thanks for reading.

 

Sophie

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72 Comments

  1. I don’t know how I missed this post. Sophie I am literally crying for you and your family. I lost both my parents within a month of each other and it was one of the hardest things I have been through. This year I lost my only sister and that was the single hardest thing I have had to deal with. My heart breaks for you. Just know that he is not suffering anymore. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Mary

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  3. Oh, Soph. I’m a little late to this post but I am sorry to hear about your dad *sends hug* May he rest in peace, and wishing you love and the best. It’s good to let those emotions out, sometimes. I’m glad you are grateful for the support and family and friends around you!

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  5. I’m sorry about your father but I’m glad you are comfortable with the choices made. I’m happy you had some excellent reads to give you some time to relax. Anne – Books of My Heart

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  6. I’m so sorry Sophie. My mum died of cancer in 2014 after an 8 month battle so I know the whole range of feelings you must have gone through during your dad’s fight. Take strength from your family and let yourself grieve as things like blogs don’t matter compared to your loved ones. Look after yourself and my thoughts are with you. *hugs*

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    1. Thank you so much! And sorry for your loss as even if it happened four years ago a mom always remains a mom and someone is missing from your life. Hugs too! <3

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  9. So sorry for your loss x I’m catching o as you can tell, so got to this a little late . I’ve struggled with my blog posts lately due to illness- but whatever the reason we bloggers understand we all need time away from the internet at times – and we’ll all be here for you XX Hugs never feel guilty ! ⛄️

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  14. Sophie- I am so sorry to hear about your father! All my best wishes and condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself!

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  15. Oh dear.. take all the time you need, we understand. You need to do your grief, but we know he’s into a better place now. i know how it is to expect it happening and yet… it still hits us in some way at the end .. we are never truly ready.

    He was really lucky indeed, his wish had been granted and that’s all that matters.. I am sending lot of love your way my friend xx please don’t push yourself too hard for things you « should be doing »

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  18. I’m so sorry to hear that Sophie. I’ll be thinking of you. Please let me know if there is anything all I can do for you. In the mean time, let some of us be the silly ones! We got you.

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  19. Oh Sophie, I’m so sorry about your dad. I’m sending you the biggest virtual hugs right now. I still miss my dad and it’s been just over a year now since he’s been gone. The pain lessens, and you learn to live with it, but it’s still a big gaping hole that won’t be filled. I’m so glad that he went on his terms and didn’t suffer, as this will comfort you so much. Hopefully you will be able to celebrate his life over the coming holiday season, even though it will be sad. Let me know if you ever want to chat. Much love, Meegs xxx

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    1. Thank you so much Meeghan! And I am so sorry for your loss too. As you say time will help but one thing is for sure: I’ll never forget him and he’ll always live in my heart. xoxo

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  20. Dearest Sophie,
    I am so very for your loss, my heart breaks for you and your family, sending my deepest sympathy and condolences. Be gentle with yourself and take all the time you need to grieve, you are all in my thoughts and prayers at this sad time.
    Take care sending All my Love xx

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  22. I’m so happy to hear your father was able to deal with his illness on his own terms. We aren’t all so fortunate, especially in such a sad and unwanted situation. And it sounds as though all those around you have been kind and supportive, too. It can’t diminish the loss of a loved one, but I hope as time goes by that kindness helps you and your mother with the grieving process. Your father sounds like a good man, you must feel very blessed to have known him ♥

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    1. JJ you just said the right words. Truly the kindness other people show in such dire circumstances make a huge difference. And yes I’ve been blessed to know him as he taught me so much about human nature and to be kind.

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  24. Oh Sophie I am so sorry. The passing of a loved one, no matter how expected, is devastating and life altering. Prayers for you and your family during this time. It is comforting to know your dad didn’t suffer.

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  29. Sophie, we’ve already chatted privately and you know how sorry I am. We both lost our fathers this year and it’s not something I’d ever want to “share” with someone, but it does mean that I understand the loss. I wish I could give you a big hug. What a gift to know that your dad did not suffer and that he left peacefully on his own terms. That’s just… comforting. He was so lucky to have you and your mom by his side and respecting his wishes. Much love to you, my friend.

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  32. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Sophie. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your father, knowing just how hard it is. I lost both parents, my father to cancer, my mother to heartbreak. As others have said, know we are here, we love you and support you, and take all the time you need to grieve and begin the healing process. Big hugs! ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much Alexandra and sorry for your losses too! Whatever our age they always remain our parents and losing them is difficult <3

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  33. I’m so sorry about your loss, Sophie I know you didn’t post it to receive compassion but you’ll get it all the same. I love that you guys could be there for him and he was surrounded by his loved ones.
    As for the blog, it’s there whenever you are ready. Never feel bad when real life interferes. <3 Take care of yourself and your family and don't think you need to keep it together at all times. You are human. Have a peaceful Sunday.

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  35. Thinking of you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go thru this (and him, and your family). xoxo
    You were an amazing daughter for him. 🙂

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  37. Sophie, big {{{hugs}}} to you and my sincerest condolences. Take comfort that your dad made his treatment decisions and that it went the way he wanted it to, with the love and support of his family. Take time for yourself to mourn and grieve

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  38. I’m so sorry about your Dad Sophie. My dad passed 13 years ago and I still miss him each and every day so don’t worry about your blog or others blogs. You just take all the time you need to miss and grieve your dad. We will all be here when you come back…..big hugs

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