Hi dear friends,
Today is the day of our Top 5 Tuesday and as usual I am posting late!
Writing this at light speed and trying to make it interesting for you.
If you did not know this already Top 5 Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by the charming Shanah @bionicbookworm *add sugary voice in the background for my selling pitch!*
This week’s topic is a dangerous one because it can result in leakage. Leakage if you read these books and your bladder is full. The risk is even more real if you gave birth to one or more kids …
You’ve got it today we are talking about “pee your pants” funny books!
Only the bests for you here 😀
My first choice is Confession of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella
I recall reading the book years ago. It was summer and I was reading in my garden, under a tree. My favorite reading spot at that time of the year. I laughed so hard that the neighbor stopped cutting his trees to peek through the bushes and ask me what had me in fits of laughter!
“A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn’t fit, you can’t exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags…”
“They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.”
Candice is really “something else” as Ian said. She came as a airhead in the beginning, hairdresser and beauty counselor extraordinaire. All skinny jeans, flat soled boots with pom-poms, she spent more time on her behind in the freezing snow than vertical the first day she landed. She is in snowy and slippery Oregon to visit her pregnant BFF, welcomed on the Mackenzie’s ranch.
When City Girl stays on a ranch where staying vertical in cute shoes is a challenge, she has to adapt. I loved how I underestimated her. I read her as a silly and superficial girl but she is fiercely loyal, determined, combative with a heart of gold. She keeps her quirks all right (Mr Google) but she soon fires guns, help cows give birth, does U turn with ginormous trucks to drive her “giving birth” best friend to the hospital and kill mountain lions while protecting the hot brooding bad boy Ian Mackenzie.
Ian, heartsick and prick for three years now never saw her coming. They soon bicker and banter like teenagers, fighting in snow and hay. A butt naked Ian is carrying Candice on his shoulder just because she made sure his shower was cold.
Their banter is funny but what really had me in fits of laughter was all that happened to Candice. Talk about turn of events, that girl is a walking disaster or has bad karma but I could not stop shaking as I laughed so hard.
“I totally feel like an FBI agent right now, with my legs spread and my arms out straight, gripping the gun. I’ll bet my butt looks awesome.
… I squint at the target, holding the gun like I’ve seen FBI guys do it in the movies. I am so badass.”
If I had a bad day, Rosie had a string of bad dates. It’s incredible the bad luck that girl could have trying to lose her virginity! Imagine Ben Stiller in” There’s Something About Mary” and you get the vibe of this book.
Rosie is living with her two best friends and has quite a crappy job, writing about cats secrets and cat poop and… She wants to write romance novels but there is this slight problem of her still being a virgin. She’s been raised sheltered by her parents and can’t even utter the “P” word to speak about the male appendage. Try using Briar Patch or Pleasure Garden and see if the readers will give you any credit as a romance novelist.
Pushed by her friends, she’ll launch herself on the date quest in the hope of finding the coital bliss and gather live experience to write her story. If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, Rosie’s road to “post-virginity” land is paved with puke on sword, panty puffing clouds of baby powder, torn jeans airing her crotch, pervert dog licking private parts while ogling make out sessions and learning blow jobs on a banana among other things.
”After just grabbing my banana and flicking my tongue across it, I can see the aPEEL. God, I’m so funny. After my blowjob crash course, I feel like I can tackle the world, one penis at a time…hopefully.”
Suffice to say this book is like a collection of all dates turned bad. Prepare to break into hoots of laughter, cringe sometimes and cheer for Rosie and her “sex-periments”.
-looking for a hilarious Christmas Tale;
-a fan of movies like “There’s something about Mary” or “Meet the Parents”;
-a sucker for crazy families with eccentric family members;
-able to move all your meetings and chores for a few uninterrupted reading hours;Go read this “laugh-so-hard-I-don’t-have-any-remaining-smidge-of-mascara” novel!
When Sam Stocking ”As in ‘hung by the chimney with care” meets Noel Holiday on their way back home for Christmas holiday, their lives will be forever altered. Both stranded at Chicago airport, they’ll enjoy each other’s company after Noel soaked Sam’s camo pants in beer. Noel is now jobless, homeless and has fled her boyfriend to go home for the holiday but fear her mother’s reaction.
Sam agrees to help Noel with her family and pretend to be her 12months boyfriend but he’s barely crossed her family’s threshold when he is groped by a big “woman”, gripping his crotch to check his “huge package”. Meet Bobbie, Noel’s transvestite Ancle and ecstasy lover, member of this insane family. Between Noel’s father, proclaiming Sam has had “enough of his daughter’s cottage cheese” and hiding all the dairy products, Noel’s mom forcing them to kiss under the mistletoe that’s more of pot tied with a ribbon to…. well, you get the gist of it.
This crazy eccentric family had me laughing so hard I could not breathe.
“MOTHER FUCKER! HE SHOT MY BALLS!” Sam wails. “EVERYONE OUT OF MY WAY! HE NEEDS MOUTH TO BALL RESUSCITATION!” Aunt Bobbie screams, shuffling quickly to Sam’s side in her four-inch stilettos.”
“Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling?”
Molly has an extended vernacular when it comes to sex. She was downright funny and provocative and I loved her very imaginative phrasing. Just to give you a small sample of Molly’s peculiar expressions: “Clamjammer?” He lifted a brow. “It’s the female equivalent to a cockblocker. You, Noah McAllister, are clamjamming me right now.”
The big lesson is plans are meant to be derailed.
One of my favorite quote (just because I can): ”Maybe I had been subconsciously waiting to find a man who would treat me the way a woman deserved to be treated…like a queen in public and a goddess in private.”