Today I wanted to write some fun and short post to lighten the mood amidst the doom and gloom that Covid 19 is!
It was inspired by my latest shopping expedition when I thought that I was really planning this all grocery buying like I would go to battle! Something that used to be so easy suddenly took a turn into West Point academy!
You need proof? Ok let’s begin!
The goal: take the flag as in come back with a full cart without being touched by the enemy (literally) or even breathe in his vicinity! Avoid all bombs and mines as well.
Follow that strategy:
1) Choose the time where the enemy is the weakest: not dawn or dusk as shops are closed but lunch time when they are empty. Everyone is eating. At worst they’ll be in a food coma and slow to move whilst you’ll be fast as quicksilver (of course, don’t eat before dumbass!).
2) Put your protecting gear: home made mask (if you need instruction on how to make it just holler) and gloves.
3) Have your weapon at the ready: the shopping cart to keep the advised distance between you and the other shoppers. It also can be used to bump into other carts and spill the food piled in your enemy’s cart, distracting him while you’ll snatch the last toilet paper tray on the shelf!
4) Be patient to strike when the time is right: when that lady hesitates for hours in front of the carrots and you also need them you have to wait at a respectable distance away. All these years guarding the fort at night will be useful. Consider playing a game on your phone or read a book to pass the time.
5) Lead the enemy where you want him to go: away from your coveted last tray of toilet paper. Be smart: “Oh! I have seen a customer sneeze repeatedly on that tray! He’s been removed from the shop by a security guard in a hazmat. I’d be you I would flee” .
6) When your cart is full go to the cashier and avoid at all cost engaging in conversation! Even from afar, it’s a trick to distract you and steal the precious toilet paper in your cart. Be focused and don’t leave your loot out of sight!
7) Once everything has been paid and unloaded at home: decontaminate like you would some nuclear waste! Any cleaning and sanitizing product will help. Wash your hands repeatedly like you would wash your skin if it had been in contact with any chemical weapon.
8) You may take care of the weak and the wounded: deliver the ordered goods to your old mom, your sick neighbor (keeping your distance of course) your ….
8) Last, report to the chain of command alias: your wife or your husband or your kids or … All mistakes will be judged in martial court. The punishment will be severe: no Netflix binge for you tonight as you messed up and forgot the chocolate chips cookies.
Now do tell me: does this look like what you are experiencing these days?
Stay safe and thanks for reading!
Oh my gawd…that’s fracking hilarious! But sad at the same time because it’s true! LOL!!
Love this post! It was hilarious but also close to reality. Thank you for sharing your tips!
Happy to have made you laugh Raven!!!
Sooo grateful I’m sending Himself out to deal with the enemy – my hero and warrior… Now if he could only return with some hand santitizer we’d be golden:)). Great post and many thanks for the giggles throughout:))
Oooh I am seriously considering sending himself too LOL
He comes back full of excitement when he has managed to track down toilet paper and antibac wipes:))
Haha it really is an ordeal!!! I also had a list and a backup list and a last resort list! For example I wanted to make tacos, but if they didn’t have ground beef, I could use those pre-cooked shredded chicken things. If both of those fail then just grab anything thats edible and figure it out later!
Wow I am impressed Brittany! That’s organisation!
Hahaha you created your own Art of War! You go girl! 😛 Thanks for sharing, Sophie!! 😀
You are most welcome! Happy I made you laugh 😉
How about online shopping? It’s the safest!!
I wish Angy! That’s what I used to do before Covid but now they are overwhelmed and shut that option!
Fun post, Sophie! Who would have thought we’d be going through something like this.
Haha, I’m glad I’ve been getting my groceries delivered! We do have to decontaminate them, but it’s much less stressful than going to the store.
I wish I could get them delivered too AJ!
Waiting for people to make their selection so you can pass is the most painful thing! This one woman was really struggling with the three choices in front of her and was taking FOREVER!
I know Sam! We really are learning patience these days!
#4 Definitely came into play for me in the meat aisle. I had to wait forever for this lady to move away from the steaks so I could look for something called “steak tips”. I thought she’d never move on down to the chicken!!!
It’s so frustrating right??
Ha! Ha! This was us today, Sophie, when our groceries were finally delivered. We set up a wash station, and coordinated how everything was sanitized and stowed safely or put in quarantine for 24 hours!
See Alexandra? But you began first, I only followed LOL
Thanks for the laughs, Sophie!
You are so welcome teri!
Yeah this about sums it up. I am glad you could turn this into a fun post as it really is stressful and this way at least we can laugh about it. I did manage to snatch some toilet paper during my last grocery run surprisingly. Still no flour though and I am running low on that.
Lola no flour here too or at least not the baking type! It seems that everyone is bored in lockdown and wants to bake!
Hahaha so funny and so true over here!! It’s like being in an episode of the Twilight Zone!!
Exactly Susan!!! A real dystopian novel LOL
I have to go shopping on Wednesday so I’ll do some of these!
Thank you Caro and …I hope you enjoyed your shopping LOL
It was worrying!
HAHAHAHAHAHA I’M DYING SOPHIE!!! THIS IS EPIC!!!
Thank you Sophie!